Contributed by guest blogger Ellie Toder (@elliegracetoder)
Whoever came up with the concept of folding over Uggs should be put on trial for crimes against humanity and given the death penalty. I am not quite sure who woke up one morning and thought, “Oh why don’t I make already heinous furry boots (yet warm and convenient!) even uglier by folding them over making it look like I skinned a yeti and am now wearing him on my feet,” but whoever they are, I sincerely doubt their sanity.
Girls at my college, Penn State, seem to think that this trend (among many others) is acceptable, and I am in awe. At a school of 45,000, 60% of which are females, you would think at least some people had style and class. I constantly see fashion abominations and disgusting behavior that legitimately scare me. Here are my top 5 observations at Penn State that I cannot seem to grasp no matter how accepting I pretend I am:
1. Juicy Couture Sweatsuits: It would be one thing if girls wore the sweater, or the sweatpants, but together the combination is lethal. The worst part is, most girls who wear them feel the need to wear bright pink, neon turquoise, or all white (that totally show the coffee stains from your venti iced soy caramel macchiato). I feel like it would be beneficial for mankind if there were an electronic current in both the sweater and sweatpants that shocked the wearer of the sweatsuit when both items touched.
2. Vlad: Every college has their own version of it, but Penn State’s is Vlad. It’s the cheapest of cheap vodka. Every time someone has a handle of it I get shivers down my spine and my palms start to get sweaty. It is the equivalent to taking shots of nail polish remover or rubbing alcohol, and probably tastes worse. It embarrasses me that people here drink it, when Smirnoff is not much more expensive and tastes 100 times better. There have been nights that I have been the S-word (sober…ew) because the thought of drinking Vlad is less appealing than being the sober buzzkill. However, if I ever have a drunk tumble and skin my knee I know that I have disinfectant in my flask.
3. Undercover Sluts: I have a theory about sluts. If you were just to admit you really like sleeping around and embrace your inner whore, people would like you better. Being honest about your sluttiness should be applauded because most people are not. I’ll be honest, I like having sex, especially drunk, and with attractive guys. Does that make me a slut? I’m not sure, you can hold a debate with your friends and family if you will, but I will not hide that about myself and I embrace it. However, girls here are very adamant about the fact that they aren’t sluts, and sluts are gross, but at a huge frat party they will be the first girls to be making out with a John Doe. Then the next day they will keep saying how embarrassed they were about their behavior, but lets be real — who the fuck cares?
4. Hayrides: For some reason at Penn State, when social events were created and everyone was sitting around the round table someone threw out the idea of going on a “hayride,” and it was generally agreed upon that sororities and fraternities were to have an annual one. Generations later, we still go on them. Now only in Pennsylvania would someone call a hayride into the middle of nowhere, where debatably the Blair Witch Project was filmed, with a keg filled with stale beer and undercooked cheeseburgers “fun.” I am scared for my life and sanity every time I have gone on one.
5. The search for the Mr. Attractive-no strings attached-can hold a conversation yet perform in the bedroom-not treat you like a booty call yet not get too clingy-will always text you first and respond in a timely manner-nice guy. He doesn’t exist. Get over it.
Regardless of these serious, serious issues, Penn State is the perfect school for alcoholic ragers like me who are just trying to have a good time. Oh and class is whatever. #idratheritbethursdaynight.
Ellie Toder is a freshman at Penn State University from Montclair, NJ. She is a media studies major and a member of Trilogy, an organization that raises money for pediatric cancer. She was voted class clown in high school and dreams of writing movies.
Are you a co-ed? Do you see fashion trends around your college that make you cringe? Do lifestyle choices at your school have you constantly bitching? Then you may be the perfect contributor to our co-ed column. Send your ideas to email@example.com, and you could be featured on our blog!
Disclaimer: All contributed articles are the opinion of the writer, and not necessarily that of VodkaVendettas.
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