Hey, psychos.

As per the usj ush ujgh usual (what the shit is the abbrev for that!?), we have been receiving a plethora of questions via our Formspring asking us to please please PLEASE reveal the secrets behind the male mind and unveil what his completely fucking confusing not-so-clear signals really mean.

Allow me to preface this by saying that the number ONE way to know a guy you are interested in IS into you is….wait for it…..dun dun dun…here we go, ladies….you will be DATING each other. Duh, you loser. Hello?

Because more than half of the communication we have with these bros occurs via text, I decided it would be relevant to include some example texts that I’m sure we’ve ALL received from one bro or another.

You’re welcome.

“If he’s not ready to DTR, you better not be DTF.”

• Bro Pro: He asks you to dinner instead of his place to “watch a movie.” If he is making strides to court you as opposed to just getting you in bed for a game of suck and blow, then you’re on the right track to relayshville, population=you.

Good: We should probably go out sometime, just let me know when’s good this week (7:16 p.m.)

Bad: Wanna come watch a movie at my place? (12:02 a.m.)

Ugly: hey amnber I think u sdhould probabley ride over (2:12 a.m.)

• Bro Pro: If he texts/calls during daylight hours. If a bro is blowing you up (espesh between 11 p.m.-3 a.m.), he is interested in one thing—your vagina. Unless you are interested in simply being something for this guy to masturbate into, I suggest you don’t reply.

Good: Morning, girl (9:35 a.m.)

Bad: Where you at? (11:33 p.m.)

Ugly: we’ve got beer over here if ur interested (1:36 a.m.)

• Bro Pro: He tells you/implies that he misses YOU, not just your ladyparts. Though we all love to be complimented on how much he loves that thing we do with our tongue, we’re more than just a perfect pair of T’s and pouty lips.

Good: I’d love to see you (8:01 p.m.)

Bad: Wouldn’t mind running into you sometime soon (10:59 p.m.)

Ugly: I really really really wanna hav sex w/ u (3:16 a.m.)

• Bro Pro: He gives you compliments other than how much he loves your pillow talk. Stop. Stop. STOP. Pursuing guys who only talk about how nice your ass is and start dating men who appreciate your ass AND your brains.

Good: You seriously crack me up, funny, smart and beautiful (9:23 p.m.)

Bad: Has anyone ever told you how sexy you are? (11:22 p.m.)

Ugly: youre really hot and id prob not throw u outta bed if u were hre (1:19 a.m.)

• Bro Pro: His friends know who you are (and not just how hot you are). If he is talking about you to his bros (and not just about how much he wants to know your cup size), then there’s a good chance that he’s interested in pursuing a little more than just friendship.

Good: Do you care if we hang out with John and Zach later? They love you (3:44 p.m.)

Bad:

Him: me and the guys are talking about you (9:18 p.m.)

You: really? (9:49 p.m.)

Him: yeah. My friends think you’re hot (9:55 p.m.)

Ugly: Conner just asked me when im gonna hit that (10:40 p.m.)

• Bro Pro: He asks to hang out in advance. It shows that there aren’t other girls on the menu. You should expect to have at least three full days from the time of an invitation is extended to the actual event (date, cocktail, whatever).

Good: You interested in doing something Friday? (11:11 a.m.)

Bad: What are you doing later? (4:13 p.m.)

Ugly: ru free 2night? (9:14 p.m.)

Learn to be more savvy, sluts!

#mc